A Paper about Nothing

Should not be writing a paper about anything we want be a college students dream? Students constantly are asking to be able to pick their own topics for paper because it gives them more freedom. Then why is it that whenever I get to choose a topic for a paper I cannot think of one. After putting off this one page writing assignment for a few days now I decided, why do I need a topic? This can be about whatever I want to write about so why not write a one-page paper about nothing? It’s like the old television show Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld came up with the idea of having a show about nothing, a show about daily life, and now those same kind of television shows are some of the only one’s that we see nowadays. So if he can make a television show about nothing, why cannot I do the same thing but with a paper?

Reality, a word that means the state of things as they exist. I like to think of it as my daily life. The reality of today can be completely different from the reality of tomorrow. Today my reality is finishing this paper, eating dinner at some point, and worrying about my best friend driving through the snow. Tomorrow, and for the next week is going to be finishing up my school work for the rest of the semester and studying for exams, not caring about too much other than what the end of this semester holds. These few weeks, although it may be classified under the nothing Jerry Seinfeld talks about would not make a good television show. The reality we see on television and the reality we live with on a daily basis are different. The reality of television is an exaggerated, made-for-entertainment reality where there is some truth to the day-to-day workings but it’s not what you would see in a normal household on a normal basis. Even the Kate Gosselin and the Duggar Families, their stories are edited and shorted to fit in an hour on television where the crew could easily be filming for a few weeks for that one episode. I sometimes want my life to be as entertaining as it is on television but if it was, I would be a fake. There are moments I believe my life should be a sitcom but sitting in my dorm room typing this paper is not one of them. So can a college student write an entertaining paper about nothing? I think I will let you judge that one.

Independence

You have heard quite a bit about past relationships of mine of this blog and I hearing the song "King of Anything" by Sara Bareillas I relate with so well. I want to be an independent woman but I keep getting into these relationships where guys think they can control me and my entire life becomes theirs. This is a repeating cycle that I see and my boy and I right now are trying to break that. This lyric is particularly hard hitting to me:

"All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide"

I have actually told myself on multiple occasions that it was okay I was miserable because I was making someone else happy. And do you know where that has gotten me? Depressed, a mess, lonely, nutty, and overall just miserable. I relate to this because I'm too busy trying to make people happy all the time that I forget that I am number one and if I'm not happy a relationship would never work. I know this has partly to do with my indecisive nature but when it comes down to it I am indecisive only because I'm too worried about hurting someone else with my decision.
So here's to being in charge of my life and not letting guys, friends, family, or anyone else decide what's best for me and what I should do with my life. If it was up to my peers, family, coworkers, whatever I would be an absolute mess and probably cry myself to sleep more than I already do. I know this because of past relationships and my senior year of high school. During that school year I was stretched so thin between my family, school work, actual work, theatre, boys, and so on. Everyone has an expectation for you and thinks they know the best for your life and I'm telling you that it's just not true. This is probably a reason for why so many teenagers have so many lives, they may act like one person with their family, one with their friends, one with teachers and bosses and so on.. If you know what I'm talking about and can see it in your own life let's take a pledge to put our us first and to make decisions for our life and not let other people control us. Because nobody really knows who you are except you no matter how close they may be to you. This doesn't mean to not listen to advice though, learning from others is good, it's when they try to tell you exactly what to do with your life is when it's bad. You should be able to make your own decisions and if it's your decision to listen to their advice, that's all it is, advice. When you don't make the choice to follow that advice does it make it control and no longer advice.
That's my opinion and please listen to the song and pay attention to the lyrics, it's a very heartfelt song and easy to listen to. Music is such a great expression of thought and because there is so many artists and years and years of recorded music you can find a song to fit any mood or emotion. I am a part of a generation where music is a part of who we are and is a way of expressing ourselves and now a days in the culture we live in, it's almost strange to sit in silence, it makes us feel uncomfortable. Because of this there is music playing everywhere: malls, stores, homes, the internet, cars, trains, doctors offices, and so on... So whatever mood you might be in just listen to whatever music is playing wherever you are and you'll find something comforting, that's how I find so many of my favorite songs that explain me such as "King of Anything" it was playing on the XM Radio station my mom was listening to in the house a few days ago.
So hopefully you have taken the pledge to be in control of your own life like I have taken and you will find music or another source to find comfort in (such as books, movies, etc) when life gets hard and you just want something or someone to be able to understand somewhat what you're going through. Music is only one way to find that, books is probably my second choice, there's so many to either get away from your reality (fantasy books) or books to figure out who you are and to understand what others are going through (reality either fiction or nonfiction). I guess what I'm getting down to is just to not keep emotions bottled up, if you don't have too many super close friends you don't want to weigh down one or two other people with your problems and books/music/movies/whatever can be good ways to do that. Keep a journal, listen to music, blog, vlog, whatever just don't keep things bottled up music and movies is a good way to bring out catharsis and if you don't know what that is, look it up. Just live the way you want and be happy and the only way to be happy is to let things go and be yourself.
Before I completely start ranting I am going to be done with this blog post.. I feel like I've ranted enough all ready... I'm good at ranting aren't I?

"King of Anything" ©2010 Sony Music Entertainment

I Will Go...

This blog post came to me at church this morning. It was just like every other Sunday Service: We come in, sang a few songs, listened to the message, sang another song, and then left for the day. But something in the message struck my heart and was just completely washed over me because of the very last song we sang. Steve Zarrilli, our old Middle School Pastor who is a unbelievable moving speaker, spoke this morning because our Senior Pastor is on vacation. He spoke about how as Christians we do not always show what we are taught. How the way we act can fog their idea of who God is or not show them who God is at all. He spoke about this from three different aspects of Judgment, Pride, and Hypocrisy. This message really didn't strike a chord in my heart until we sang the last song when it call came into understanding of what God was telling me. We sang "I Will Go" by Desperation Band which as I'm writing this post I am listening to. A specific quote from this song really hit me which is:

"You’re calling out, “who will go?”
I will go!
I will live the life.
I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ.
I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go."

When I was singing these lyrics with hundreds of others in my church I realized that God is speaking to me in a different way then everyone else in this room. God was telling me that I am starting a new part of my life and I can live it the way I choose. He wants me to go off to college and show this new world of mine that I love him. He doesn't want his name to be clouded with mine or anyone else's judgmental, prideful, or hypocritical nature. So as I go off to college I am preparing myself to "Go". I want God to "Give me wings so I can fly and Tell the world that you [he] is God"

"Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life."

So for all who read this hold me accountable to this. Pray for me in my journey and that I will portray the love of God the way that I was made to. I know I've wanted to do this before and always fell away and I know this will be no easy task but hopefully this time I will have the courage to do what God has meant me to do.

This next portion is only if God has spoken to you to share. Either write something like this of what God or whatever you might believe in has shown you in the past few weeks, months, or years. Maybe you don't want to do that and you just want to need prayer in your own mission to spread the love of God please feel free to email me (link in the bar on the right). And if you are praying for me and would like to let me know please feel free to email me. I am here for anyone who may need some prayer, advice, or just someone to share the news of their own missions and adventures of sharing the Word of Christ.

God Bless,
Iris June

When the message I am Referring to is released online I will put a link to it here so you can listen and maybe be effected by the Words of Pastor Steve Zarrilli, the Pastor in charge of Leadership Development. I attend Woodside Bible Church of Troy.

"I Will Go" ©2007 Sony Music Entertainment

Friends

have you ever thought about why we get interested in the opposite sex? what attracts us? almost all of my boyfriends I met and I knew I wanted to try to date them but yet how do we establish substantial relationships with the opposite sex? siblings can be some, life long friends, friends of family, friends of siblings, etc. but in the teenage years every person of the opposite gender you become good friends with you eventually try to be with. so what is this equation for good friends of the opposite sex? is it just meeting them in a situation where you can't date them? or how can you make those friends without that type of meeting? I'm trying to figure this out as I go off to college. so how can we do this? I want to find guy friends I can just hang out with, meet up for coffee, play games, or do whatever with without the pressures of being a guy and girl alone. yes, I know there will always be tension but why more than the necessary? most of those substantial opposite sex relationships I have are either failed relationships, camp friends, family friends, or life-long friends. any suggestions.. more contemplation on this later.

My heart

I allow so many people to come into my 'bubble' and by doing this I allow them to hurt me very easily. Recently I was the subject of a facebook post that literally said to 'f*** off' this was not posted by my very good friend but it was under his name. This just broke my heart because he means a lot to me and I would never say anything bad about him behind his back but evidentally he complains about me all the time to his friends. And this isn't just a one time thing. It happens even within my family. I let my family have an impact over my life and when they ignore me or criticize me it really hurts because all I want is to have people around me to be happy. I have learned how to be happy but it's hard when others don't approve of who you are or what you're doing. I need to learn how to protect my heart from more pain which I have never been good at. Especially when someone means so much to you and you would never do anything to hurt them it's hard to still keep your heart protected and put your own mental stability first.

Recovery

These next two weeks are going to be really boring so if you'd like to keep me company message me, email me... my skype name is IrisB1992. I can't talk for two weeks which means I will be talking through hand motions, grunts, and notes. This will be a long two weeks when I can't talk and can't eat.. I'm going to get so hungry not being able to eat solid food. I really want some solid food probably partly because I watch the food network. Also my hydrocodone isn't really helping me that much. I have a high tolerance to not only pain but also to medication so it takes more medication then is prescribed for me to help with the pain enough so cold/hot packs are helping a lot. I'm just hoping that eventually I'll be able to give into the medication and fall asleep, it makes me a little sleepy but I need to give into the meds in order for it to make me put me to sleep. I don't think I'm going to be hurting for long but still just in case the doctor said to not talk nor eat solid food for two weeks. I think tomorrow or the day after I'll be able to eat mac and cheese though which will help me out a lot. Do you have any suggestions to help me get through these next two weeks? If so leave them in comments.

Pain

I just got back home from my oral surgery to remove my Wisdom Teeth. I'm really not feeling very good, still bleeding and it hurts quite a bit but at least I have no anxiety anymore. I'm just not allowed to eat most foods and I'm not allowed to talk for two weeks. This will be a long two weeks but at least I won't have to deal with this when I get to college. More updates to come.

Wisdom

I'm getting my Wisdom Teeth out on Tuesday... that means I'm not going to be able to talk and eat for a few days (hopefully not for long) and that means I get to post blog entries! Dave will be coming over to take care of me but mostly it will be me typing him things or writing them down or sleeping or just watching tv together. He thinks I'm going to be completely out of it, but I don't think vicodin will do that completely to me. So who knows how weird and out of it I may be though and what might get posted on here. When I get tired I tend to have weird thought processes and me being out of it because of pain medications may increase those effects so I'm sorry about some weird things you may be reading in the next few days.. hopefully I won't scare you guys too much. Until later.. Iris

Pure Thought

So I started making videos on YouTube for my own Video Blog but I can't do it often because of the editing involved. I like to make things perfect when it comes to videos because I have made professional videos. Also when I'm typing or talking I believe that it is my pure thought. When I edit a video I feel like I'm making things more interesting but I'm taking out some of my true thought and how my mind works. When I'm typing out a blog post I try to not edit things, yes, if I'm distracted I'll go rearrange words but I would never delete big parts of what I wrote because that's my thought process and that's who I am. I want people to know who I am and how my mind works is a part of who I am. So from now on I've decided for YouTube I from now on will only upload directly to YouTube so I won't even be tempted to edit my videos. Yes, this could be blamed on me being lazy but that's not it. I truly believe that everything I say or think is a part of what I'm trying to convey. This may end up making things more boring and with empty space in some videos but I will get better and soon enough I'll be able to make a cohesive flowing videos and this will make even my everyday speech more entertaining and I'll become a better storyteller overall. I'm really tired and kinda distracted so sorry if this post is vague and confusing but this is the best I could do in my current situation.

Finally Listened

I'm Dating Dave... he makes me happy.

why do things have to be so tough?

dave and matt...
matt and i dated for a few days last week and we're so good together. we get along so well when we're together but as soon as we're apart things just fall apart. i wish him and i could just work but it's not going to until i'm completely emotionally and mentally stable. i wish he could be happy and then we could be happy together.
dave and i get along so well and he has always been there for me. i just can't handle the distance.
i really can't handle much more of this. i have been crying for the past three days straight and i'm done dealing with this. i need someone to help me. i need to become emotionally stable and that's going to be hard to do.

Things get more Complicated

Why do people think they can trust me with everything? I have my own problems and I can't be carrying others and their problems. I have my own problems that I need to cope and deal with before I can deal with others problems. Realize this people, right now I need to put my problems before yours. I will always be your guys' friends but I need to deal with my problems before I go off to college and the first little bit while I'm at college. I need to concentrate on myself, give me that time folks, I love you all but give me time to figure myself out.

Very interesting Day

I have depression so I see a therapist approximately every three weeks and today I had an appointment. I have discovered why I developed depression in the past few sessions. It's because I have a big heart and I care about people, it's a really good thing to have but I care too much to a point where I put them before myself. You should care about others but I didn't take care of myself anymore, I just forgot about my problems and let my mental health decline very fast because I took on others problems instead. It's a cycle that I see happening in my life over and over again, especially since I was diagnosed with having depression. It's a cycle that I'm trying to break. So I need to make a promise to myself... it's that I will not date anyone until both me and that guy have a solid mental and emotional health. I know both Dave and Matt are in a little bit of an unstable mental situation and I know I can't take care of them as much as I have. They mean everything to me but I cannot take on all their emotional and mental problems because I already have enough on my plate. So my choice is to be single until that happens. If they are in a better place and I am also and the timing is just right then I will consider that relationship. But for now, I am going to take time to take care of myself and be single.
Both Dave and Matt are very special to me but I need time to get myself in a secure place and to learn exactly what I want in life right now.
Dave- you mean so much to me and I'm sorry I have to do this because I know it will break you but I do want you to know I care about you. We have talked about this and I know you agree and will respect it but you won't be happy about it. We will always be the best of friends because we know each other so well. Just hang in there and you know what you need to do.
Matt- We've talked about this and you know all that I would say. Care about you a lot and Pickles!
Josh- You need to learn how to be single and love yourself. If you don't know how to be that you will always cling and suck onto a girl and will push her away.
Mike- You're awesome. 143! But you know the obvious reason we can't work right now and you are the one who I can trust with everything. I can tell you everything and I know we will always be able to trust each other. You are always going to be my best friend, now and forever.
I saw two ex-boyfriends today and that showed me a lot. I still have a good relationship with both of them and it was just a good time to reflect.
Life is complicated but it's because you make it complicated, if you don't want life to be complicated you can prevent it to an extent. I do my best to keep it uncomplicated but sometimes it doesn't work and right now I've been making it a lot more stressful than it should be. More about this later on, for now I need to clear my head.

Daily Booth

Be a creep and comment on my Daily Booth!!!
http://dailybooth.com/ReflectionsinmyIris

New Love or Developed Love?

My heart is torn, I wish it wasn't this way but it is. I thought that I was going to be over Matt, but I'm not. I know I'm either going to end up hurting Dave or hurting Matt and I don't want to hurt either of them, they're both such great guys. HELP!!!
I know this is going to take a lot of contemplation to figure out where my heart is at and what is best for me and for these guys. So I'll be writing/typing things out because it helps for me to think about things when I get it out there, that way everything isn't just stored up in my brain...
So I think I have three options at this point: Dave, Matt, or Single. My thoughts will start to be posted tomorrow. Until then, I need sleep. Night night blogspot.

Loss and Love

Since November, I have dated (in chronological order): Dave, Derrick, Dave (again), Josh, Dave (again), Matt (on and off), and possibly now Dave (..once again). Yes, I did promise myself to remain single for the rest of the summer at one point when Matt and I broke up. I would like to 'Reflect' on each of these guys from my view right now and plus one other best friend of mine and maybe some other guys who have had an influence on me in the past few months. So let's begin.
Derrick: The twenty-two year old who seemed to be infatuated with the seventeen version of me. He decided because I was only seventeen he still was 'in love' with me but he couldn't be with me, couldn't even talk to me because I wasn't 'legal'. I thought back then he was a jerk because of this but I now realize.. he still was. He was still in love with his ex-girlfriend Meghan and was just trying to fill the emptiness inside that she left behind. He knew he was partly to blame for the 'fall-apart' that they had and he just needed someone to be there for him. He currently is back together with Meg just like nothing happened and I have hung out with both of them. They are great people but Meg, good luck. I couldn't handle him and I sure hope you can! I wish both of them the best and I hope I get an invitation to their wedding because they are meant to be.
Josh: Josh and I couldn't be more different, he was a metal head, I'm a nerdy book lover who does not get caught up with celebrity life. From the start we knew we couldn't be much different. He broke up with his girlfriend to be with me and now I wish he hadn't. I gave as much as I couldn't into that relationship and probably a little too much. I declined in my mental health during this time and most nights I couldn't help but cry. He tore my mom and I apart and that is still something I am trying to repair. Josh gave me many good memories but he also tore me up inside. I just wish things didn't have to be like how they are with Josh. His dad at one point was very close to putting a restraining order against me because Josh was suicidal. To this day Josh still remains in my heart and I will always care about him as much I try to push him away from me, he is a great guy and hopefully he will find the person he deserves but I don't believe it will be until he can be comfortable in his own life and his own shoes.

Matt: We are still very close and broke up for the final time only recently. He showed me what it truly feels to be in love, be willing to do anything for them. But in this relationship I also learned that when you devote your entire being to another person, you will only be disappointed. I thought that with Josh I declined in mental health, with Matt, I plummeted.. I thought about killing myself on multiple occasions because of how destructive he was to his own body. I feel like as much as I pour into him he never seemed to get any better. Under any other circumstances in both Matt's and my own life we would have been great together but sadly things just kept getting worse and worse. Matt still wants to try again with our relationship but I can only see more heartbreak and more destructive behavior on both of our parts if things continue between him and I. Maybe at some point him and I can try again, but I think we lost our chance. I wish him a happy life someday and I hope that he knows no matter what I'm going to be here for him but I can't be as involved as I once was, he needs to help himself now.

"You cannot love someone else unless you first love yourself."

Before I go on to talk about Dave because him and I have the most complicated of the relationships I'm going to talk about other guys who I have not dated but have been influential to me in the past few months.
Mike: God Bless your heart. You have gotten me through some of the most insane of times. I hope that someday I can return the favor to you that you have provided me with. You are one of the best friends I have and could ever have. As much as we may want to try our hand at a real relationship someday, I know in the back of my mind, it probably won't work, we are better off as friends. I hope that you find someone who is just as amazing as you are someday and that you two will make each other very, very happy. I truly do not have words to describe all that you mean to me.
Those who creep and want to date me: If I have tried to avoid you at all, this is you! There are so many of you who are always texting me wanting to go out to the mall or somewhere just so you can try to ask me to date you or 'hook-up'. First of all, can't you read about all of my guys to begin with? Second of all I DON'T 'hook-up'! I don't know where you guys get that idea from but I'm NOT like that! So please, leave me alone, no matter how great a guy you are or how attractive you might be, I'm not interested.
(Other) Matt, Ken, Mike, and Scott: All four of you have just sat around listening to my rants about whatever I need to rant about. You four are great people and I hope you're going to stick around as I go off to college because I'm going to need some sanity and people to talk to when I'm there. Again with you four, you may want to at some point date me and I may be attracted to you but all four of you are not really my type, you're great friends to have but probably nothing more than that, there's no real 'click' and no real 'chemistry' between any of us.
I think I covered everyone but my lovely Dave...
Dave: You have stuck around way longer than any other person could have. You have stayed up late at night with me listening to my problems or just how I was feeling. From the first time we met we knew we would someday make a great couple. I broke up with many guys for you because no matter what happens you always can take my breath away. Going up to Traverse City to see you last weekend was the best thing I could have done for myself and our relationship. Sitting next to you and just talking to you made me realize none of these other guys can make me as happy as you do. That when we're together nothing else matters in the world, just you and me. You don't care if I haven't shaved in two months or haven't plucked my 'uni-brow' you like me just the way I am. I get more compliments from you about how I look when my hair is pulled back, dirty and greasy with shorts and a tank top on than when I'm all dolled up where it took me three hours or more to get ready. You try so hard to make me happy when the one thing that would make me the most happy is just you putting your arms around me and just let me put my head on your shoulder. I love being in your arms because I feel protected, I know you would battle a zombie if one was coming after me. You are one of the only guys who truly fit in with my family and can follow the chaos that they bring. You have been accepted into each of their lives way back when and I know I've been accepted into your family. God has placed you in my life for much more than someone to hold hands with. You have brought life back to me, you bring a smile to my face, your thought is bringing tears to my eyes as I type this. I could go on all day about how much you mean to me and how much you have done for me. One thing that scares me is that we may not be meant to be. We have broken up on multiple occasions but somehow we never think twice about getting back together. I hope that our love for each other will just continue to grow. If it's in God's Plan that someday we will be getting married (far off in the future of course) I would be so excited because I know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for me and I will always be there for you.

"There's something that i cant quite explain
I'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away
and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away
well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're okay when I'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile"
"Calling You" by Blue October

I'm sorry too those who I have hurt in the past and I hope that you can someday forgive me, I have been hurt and it is not something that anyone wants to ever go through, but I believe that you have to hurt and suffer loss before you can love. So thank you to those who made me cry myself to sleep because you have made me who I am and you have shown me what and who will make me happy in life. I am always here for anyone who needs help, I have gone through my share of good and bad relationships (those listed here are not even all of them). I believe that everyone is on earth of a reason and one of my reasons is because I can help people. I've always been one to help and I want to help others. So please if you want someone to talk to or just need someone to rant to about something email me: Reflections.in.my.Iris@gmail.com I will never ignore an email, it may take me a while to formulate an answer but I will always respond. Also, if you'd like to hear more about me and my life check out my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/ReflectionsinmyIris
Want to hear about my thoughts about any topic, email them to me and more than likely I'll make a post about it.
For now, go think about your life and your relationships. Maybe I said something that struck a cord in your heart, hopefully I did because that's what I'm here for.

Hello World!

No, I am not quoting The Mystery of Edwin Drood... okay, maybe I am but that's not the point. I need topics to blog about, I already have a few, thanks Matt, but I need more!
Email them at: Reflections.in.my.Iris@gmail.com
Thanks and Love
Iris

Love is a Mysterious Thing

Nobody knows or can figure out what love really is until it has hit them in the face. Even when most people think they’re in true love, they’re most likely not. I’m not at all an expert on relationships and love but I do know a little something about it from my own past experiences and the experiences of those around me. I have figured out love is something you can’t explain, something that can completely take over a person. I know that I love my family but the love I have for them is not the same kind of love that I will have for my husband someday. It’s been said that you should only be in love with one person at a time but I believe that you can be in love with many separate people. This is mostly because each relationship has a different kind of love; no two relationships are the same. I know that I love my family, my friends, my pets, and a few guys who may or may not have stronger feelings for me. I have had guys say they love me before I ever felt a connection with them. In that case they are lusting after me or infatuated with me but not in love. Love is not a one way street, it has to be returned. If those feelings aren’t returned, it isn’t true love.

Everyone needs to Cry

Crying ever so often lets out all of the stress and build-up of emotions of everyday life. Without this kind of release we all would just become emotionless robots. Crying allows you to feel other emotions. The lack of compassion in our society today is due to the wanting to keep all of our emotions bottled up. The more we keep our feelings to ourselves the less connection we have with other humans and therefore we feel less sympathy for those around us. The media has told society that sex is okay but one problem with this is that we connect sex with love. Teenagers believe because of this love is something they can easily fall in and out of. That love is not that special and love isn’t as powerful as it truly is.

Words of Wisdom of the Day

If you know of something little in your life that makes you happy.. use it. My mom loves colored glasses so in our house every glass, mug, etc is colored because it makes her happy. My socks of many different colors make me happy so I try to wear colored socks. Whatever makes you happy, incorporate that into your life. If you don't know those things in your life that make you happy, find them. Look for everything and everything in life that makes you smile or have a pleasant thought and use them! Life sucks but finding those things that make it better is sometimes what you gotta do to make it through a suckish day.

Will you Let me?

Will you let me love you

Will you let me in

Will you let me hold you

Will you let me care

All these things I want

You mean so much to me

It’s because I love you

You have seem to let me in

You let me in already

Prepared your heart for me

Will I let you..

Prepare my heart for love?

I know you love me so

And you will trust me

But can I trust you

To know who I am?

My mind is a scary place

A place I like to hide

Somewhere few have gone

And held me in their arms after.

You seem so perfect

You care about me more,

More than I could ever know

I’m letting you in now..

Please come to me now.

Love Languages

So there's this book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and at SpringHill every summer I have heard this book title. Of course, I don't own it nor have I read it but my brother and his girlfriend are going to be reading it together so I'm going to read it after my brother finishes it. But I think this book is just really unique and somewhat amazing. The five love languages Chapman have are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Basically this book is about how you express your love and how you like to receive love. I think its a really good book to read if you're in a long-term, committed relationship. I know before I get married I'm going to have my fiance (whoever that may be) read this book and discuss it with me. I understand a good way to know if someone is compatible with you is if you receive and give love in similar ways.
I'm with my cousins right now in Frankenmuth so I can't really explain everything I would like to but I'll send you to this website so you can learn more about this. I wish I had more time to tell you about all of this but I do not right now.
Iris
Remember to send your topics to Reflections.in.my.Iris@gmail.com
And here's the website for you
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

Help

So I want to try to update this every other day if possible but I don't always have something to rant or talk about so I need your help:
Send topics to Reflections.in.my.Iris@gmail.com

Word of Wisdom of the Day

Need some love? Pet your dog. A dog will always love you no matter what. Cats? not so much, they only use you when they want you. Dogs love you no matter what though.

The Boy is Sick

So instead of going out to a Super Bowl Party today I got to be at my boy's house taking care of him because somehow within the few hours we were apart three people in his house contracted the stomach flu. Yea, not a pleasant place but just being with him makes me so happy. He may be sleeping in his bed behind me but for some reason I cannot think of a place I would rather be. I'm exhausted to a point where I'm about to fall over into a coma but I'm here to take care of him. He tells me I'm the first person to really make him feel special and to truly care about him. This makes me so happy because that means him and I will have a very strong bond but that also frightens me to a huge extent. He's never had another experience like I'm giving him so how can he tell if I really am the right person for him. I have truly never felt in such a right place as I do in this relationship but I also don't want to let him get away from me. He somehow out of every other guy in my life has made a home in my heart. I just never want this to end. I don't even want to think about going away to school next year because he's going to be here and from these past six months I know how hard a long distance relationship is. This is just such a weird thing for someone like me who has had so many different guys chasing after her and being able to control all of them with one look. This is truly the first guy I can look at and think that I would be happy being with him forever. I know that he's always going to make me happy, I've never had such confidence in a relationship before. He is a guy who has a rough side of listening to metal music but also so sincere about everything and so heart-felt that he writes poetry. He's every girls dream and somehow I beat all of them to him. It truly wasn't until a few minutes ago looking at him sleep that I have realized I truly have fallen for this guy. I have been in love before but never like this. Most of the time I owned the guys heart, a guy, for the very first time, owns my heart and it scares me to death that he could break it so easily. I now know what all consuming love is and how it truly can change a person from the inside out.
So Josh... I love you with all of who I am and I would truly be lost without you.
Also, feel better!!!

Love in the United States

Monday night on ABC you have the Bachelor followed by The Conveyor-Belt of Love and then there is all of these commercials about romantic movies because of Valentines Day coming up in a month and a half. Something about this really disgusts me. Yea, so it makes great television but seriously are people so desperate to find someone that they have to go on these ridiculous television shows? I would love to fall in love and live happily ever after but I that that person will come into my life in our own time and things will be better. All of these men and women who go on these shows are forcing love into their life. Are you really that upset and unhappy with your life you will do anything and everything to find happiness. I feel that you should be able to love yourself and love your life before you can really truly love someone. I understand that I am young and maybe don't understand everything but something isn't right here. Didn't humanity go through thousands of years finding people to love without these dating websites and television shows? People have been happy this entire time letting love find its way into their live. Yes it may be a different culture but I find it really disgusting. It's late so I'm gonna head to bed because this show is really disturbing. Guys just parading in front of women in order to get a date. Girls fighting each other to grab a date and in their eyes most of the time they're just looking for a body. Yes there are some people out there looking for true love but if they have that great of a heart and intentions they shouldn't have any problem finding someone to fall in love with. Guys (or girls) should be lining up to date them. I believe the God will put someone in your life when you're ready and evidentally none of them are truly ready for a relationship that they haven't actually looked hard enough to find someone where they're from. That's just my thoughts as I'm sitting here watching this show.