sickness...my life

sickness
not fun
earache
throat sore
sleepy
antibiotics
ibuprofen
Disney
lollies
computer
homework
reading
my life

More thoughts

I guess I just have to accept this. I need to respect her feelings in that she doesn't want anything to do with me, it's only because of Dave though. She has nothing personally against me, it's just my connection with Dave. I'm not the same person as Dave but I guess it brings up suppressed emotions in her mind. I just need to keep praying to get me though this, accepting something like this that I don't understand is hard for me but with God's help it's possible. God even today helped my nerves, I was so nervous about all of this happenings and I just gave it to God and he took away my nerves. I just gotta keep in there and on Friday I get to see Dave so that should help a little bit too. He is one of those people I can tell anything to and he knows exactly what's happened and what's going on in my life, more than my parents or siblings. I would tell Aaron if he was ever online anymore at a time I could talk to him but I understand he's busy just like how I'm busy too. I just gotta accept the world as it is and stop messing with it. It's like the prayer that Molly gave me a little while ago which says something of I need to have wisdom to accept things as they are, I should find that and pray it tonight.

Stupid Stuff

Why can't she just tell me why she doesn't like me? I always get blamed for being the bad person but all I ever did was try and be nice and she was the one to ignore me. I guess I just have to accept the fact she doesn't like me for NO APPARENT REASON!!! If she doesn't like me I'd rather know why, it's easier for me to accept it that way... Our lives are criss-crossed and she can't escape me, just why can't she accept me as being in her life and just get on with it, tell me why she doesn't like me and move on, that's the only way I can get past this and I just need this.. if she doesn't tell me I will never be able to get past this... It's just so annoying and so stupid.

...failing at sleeping

Need I any other words... I don't know what's up.. I'm just kinda gahh today...

I know I should get to bed but I can't because I'm not tired enough yet I've woken up before 7 every day this week and have to do it again tomorrow.. joy! I love Dave, he is such an encouragement to me.. but I'm nervous that we are still so young that it might not last..

He is my best friend seriously and I don't want to lose a friend like him. I can see being with him forever but he can get on my nerves but that's just me being me. i want to just grow up and get on my life because then I don't have to plan so much for the future.. kinda, I can do what I want without being like "i'm too young" That makes since right?

Okay, so I'm applying to Hope and Western for sure and I might as well for Calvin. But if I really am not going to go to State or Michigan why am I still applying? It just doesn't make much since.. So should I just drop it? It would make my life so much easier.

Then there's the possibilities with my future. I'm gonna go into psych, I know that but do I want to go into clinical therapy or pastoral counseling or what? Things are just stressing me out and then I need a butt load of scholarships and I need to apply to those.. and I'm not getting sleep, I just need to chill out sometime and just let things happen, take a step back from my own life for a while. I should go to bed but I'm waiting for Aaron to come online so that I can talk to him... and maybe watch "Hair" but if we don't have time for that because I need to get to bed then why am I still up, I can just leave a message. Gahhh.. life, annoy. I so sleepy!!!!!

Problems

I let myself get involved too easily.. I wish I could protect my heart better from those who hurt it the most and just give me problems in my life. But I just need to continually adjust to them and the problems and hurt in my life.

My first post in a while...sorry

So back to school so I'll probably be posting more but maybe not.. I told people that I would start posting again.. ::cough cough:: you know who you are. but I don't have much to say. Just wanting to get everything right like with Tony and Aaron. Stupid Tony, I was just trying to keep peace and yet, he 'defriended' me on facebook, how more childish can he get! Then there's Aaron who I love so much but he will always just be a friend, I wish I could do more for him but I just can't. I really want to be so much more for him.. I am after all the 'mother of his daughter' Sammy.. long story there but we wouldn't make each other happy.. we're not right for each other, we've gotten into too many fights for that. I have such a headache but it's going away.. I took my meds.. it's annoying I'm addicted to them that I go into withdrawal when I forget to take them for a while, I get enough headaches anyways, it doesn't help.. stupid dehydration 24/7. Then there's college and I want to apply to USC but I just feel like I'm stressing and worrying about it too much. And more I think about it even if I got accepted I wouldn't go there so why am I even applying? But it was my dream for so long so I feel bad about backing down on my dream but really if God is leading me in a different direction why am I still so stuck on it? I need to just fully trust God with this but that is really hard to do. And Dave is getting sappy being away from me, I don't mind it, but he needs to get out there and meet people. Gahhh.. this headache..it's making me sick to my stomach.. STUPID WITHDRAWAL!!!!!!!! Classes start tomorrow and 3 aps are going to be hard to take. Then I am trying to get my private study 6th hour but I haven't talked to Chris about it and I don't know how that works.. I'm gonna have to figure this all out and go into the counseling office before school and get evil looks by the secretary.. she scares me.. For now I'm gonna go and see if I can fall asleep before it's the first day of school tomorrow. And get rid of this headache... gah.. need. ibuprofen.

I should be in bed but of course I'm working on yet another project.  Stupid annoyances.  Anywho.  Goodnight all for may you get more sleep than me.

I'm watching the Tony's but I should probably be in bed so I'll be heading that way soon.  It's almost eleven!  Gosh!  I was working on History which is almost done!!!!!!   Finally- it has to be done soon.  Oh and then Theatre banquet is tomorrow.  Things are just really busy for me but at least school is almost over.

I'm theatre co-secretary!  I'm excited.. it will be a fun year and I've given up on being mad about how things ended up..  I'm tired like no other and my feet hurt.  I had to stand all day because I was on stage for graduation.. gahhhh!  But, of course, I have to work on my history presentation and not go to sleep.  But wings are crushing the penguins!  I'm gonna go to sleep soon.. I might have to print this though which would not be all that fun because I don't want to do anything and I probably make no sense.  So I'm gonna stop confusing people.

I don't want to go to work... but I have to.  I don't want to work on my history project either.  Man, you can tell it's the end of the year.

50 LITTLE SECRETS
Be honest no matter what!

[1] Who was your last text from?
Barbara

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
las vegas

[THREE] Your relationship status?
married

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
too many times

[FIVE] What is your current mood?
GAHHHH

[SIX] What's your brother's/sister's names?
peter and stephanie

[SEVEN] Are you more of a "Show" or a "Tell" person?
tell

[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now?
in dave's arms

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
who doesn't

[TEN] Ever had a near death experience?
i guess...

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
pee

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
annoyed but not angry

[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
my license

[FOURTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
i don't know...

[FIFTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
of course!

[SIXTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
the day I just lived

[SEVENTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
PETEY!

[EIGHTEEN] What is your favorite song?
uhh... I don't have one?

[NINETEEN] What are you doing right now?
procrastinating

[TWENTY] Who do you trust right now?
me, dave...

[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
detroit!  25th annual putnum county spelling bee

[TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week?
mhmm

[TWENTY-THREE] Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
molly?  emily?  ish?  

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe your life in one word:
busy

[TWENTY-FIVE] Who are you thinking of right now?
aaron

[TWENTY-SIX] What should you be doing right now?
history

[TWENTY-SEVEN] What are you listening to right now?
birds chirping

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Katie (Buddah)

[TWENTY-NINE] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Joel?  My mommy?

[THIRTY] Do you act differently around the person you like?
I can't.

[ THIRTY-ONE] What is your natural hair?
dark brown

[THIRTY-TWO] Who was the last person to make you laugh?
petey

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you sad?
myself

[THIRTY-FOUR] What do you hear?
birds chirping

[THIRTY-FIVE] Is your hair curly or straight?
curly

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
yes

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Do you have a best friend?
of course

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
yes

[THIRTY-NINE] Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
no 

[ FORTY ] Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yeah

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now?
for the most part

[FORTY-TWO] Are you currently jealous?
no

[FORTY-THREE] What jewelry are you currently wearing?
dave's ring

[FORTY-FOUR] What were you doing Friday night?
no plans right now.

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yes

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
yes

[FORTY-EIGHT] What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
fluish infection

[FORTY-NINE] How late did you stay up last night and why?
eleven-baseball game

[FIFTY] Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
not yet

long time...

it's been a while.  I've been so tired and so busy.  Life keeps me like that.  I just went to cedar point last week and saw so many people like my camp counselor from last summer Devon.  I got some hard choices this up coming summer that I'm sure you guys will hear about.  For now I'm just gonna sleep and relax..

Birthday in 2 weeks!!!!!

let's try flicker.. no twitter

i'm going to do a twitter thing where it's a short little summary of my life (without the character restriction):

iris is tired but doesn't want to go to sleep so instead is going to leave a message for her boyfriend to listen to when he wakes up.  She also is going to shop some more for a nice Digital SLR camera soon.

Why?

I would be more likely to do something if you just asked me.  but when you try to get around asking me-it just makes me frustrated.  My parents are like what movies look good.  so I pick out two then they're like 'let's go!'  I didn't really want to go see a movie.  If they just asked me if I wanted to see a movie i might have actually said yes.  it's just frustrating for me..

And for a while I've been meaning to define the relationships in Twilight or in the entire saga.

Edward- the perfect guy.  the guy you're meant to be with.  You want him so badly but it just never seems right.  the guy that catches your eye.  the heart stopper.  the one your heart always is with.  he's always on your mind.  the guy no matter what he does you can't stay away.

Jacob- the best friend.  the sweet heart.  the one who is always there for you.  the one you can fall back on to.  the shoulder to cry on.  the hand to hold when no one else is there.  the one who gives the best hugs.

You may want Edward but he'll never be completely accessible so you just deal with having Jacob.  You know who you are-my Edward-too bad it will never work.

I need advice...

I'll keep updating this as I go on my college search but maybe you can give me some advice.  I'll keep updating things with new questions and the answer to my previous question.

Should I major in theatre production (sound design, lights, technical direction, stage management, ect) or film?

I'm interested in both of them but I don't know what I should pursue.  Any advice?

I'm a Horrible Person.

I have. . . (count up the number of things you have done from the list and then at the end add them all up)

1. smoked.
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
5. kissed someone of the same sex.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.
TOTAL: 6

1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.
TOTAL: 8

1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. been to rehab
6. dyed your hair.
7. received a ticket.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar
TOTAL: 6

1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything.
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.
TOTAL: 6

1. dressed gothic.
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.
TOTAL: 8

1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
9. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.
TOTAL: 6

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.
TOTAL: 6

1. owned/rented an apartment/house.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10. been verbally harassed.
TOTAL: 7

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drank and driven.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.
TOTAL: 8

Grand Total: 61
If you have less than 10, write "I'm a goody-goody"
If you have more than 10, write "I'm still a goody goody"
If you have more than 20, write "I'm average"
If you have more than 30, write "I'm a bad kid"
If you have more than 40, write "I'm a very bad influence"
If you have more than 50, write "I'm a horrible person"
If you have more than 60, write "I should be in jail"
If you have more than 70, write "I should be dead"

I been busy

I really should be in bed right now because I have been getting home at 11 o'clock every night because of rehearsal and I have school everyday.  Tomorrow we have a half day but have rehearsal and I have lots of homework and I have to go shopping.. gahhhhh!  luckily today we only had a meeting after school so I got to come home and relax, I should have done homework but would I ever do that?  As long as I get my history done by friday I'll be good (stupid AP).  I've been having really weird dreams lately, I've been having a lot about losing the people closest to me and about being high on opium (that's probably because of the opium use in the musical though).  The musical opens Friday!!!  I can't wait for the cast party, 50 of my closest friends locked in a basement!  amazing!  and cuddling with my Dave while 'sleeping'.    I go to be now, hopefully I can get back on in the next few days (if I'm not too busy) and I'm gonna start posting pictures of me and my random life to keep you all a little entertained.

I sweepy

Like always on the weekends I stayed out as late as I can.. and we're losing an hour of sleep tonight so I should probably go to bed.. but I not gonna.  I'll be staying up an hour or so.  SNL is on so why wouldn't I stay up?  It's new!  I'm really tired.  I can't sleep though.  I have no idea what I'm saying though.  I'm really just babbling about whatever comes to mind.  My siblings are home from college and it causes a lot more stress, it's annoying because I have more stress and I don't need it when I'm taking the ACT/MME and the SAT this week.  I should probably go and sleep because I've been trying to type something for a while but didn't get anything done.  Bye.

I know, I know

I haven't blogged in a while.. I'm sorry.  I've been busy.  I have school.  MME's and SAT next week.  Siblings coming home Friday.  Drood in full swing and Sadies last weekend.  Sadies was awesome! The picture to the right is Dave and I before we left.  The Drood Poster is to the Right...  My life is busy but I like it this way.  Just wanted to keep you guys posted.  I had a mental breakdown on Sunday but I feel better now, I think it was just PMS and stress getting to me.. also being a teenage girl.  I sometimes hate being a teenager but I can't do anything about it.  I went to bed early yesterday but I think I need to go to bed early again today...  I'm gonna go soon and just relax...  I'm sleepy and Dave has CYE tonight so it's not like I'll be talking to him tonight so I don't have to stay up but knowing me I will...  darn me.  OOO.. I can play sims.. yes, I'm a dork.  I play the Sims all the time.  I have the Complete Collection, come on why wouldn't I play it all the time.. I'm babbling, I know.. I'll stop before you start wanting to go away and hide.  My mommy is actually talking to me right now so I should go and be social.. gahh.. socialness..  I'm not that good at that..  

I was going to rant about some more stuff but I guess I'll stop for now...

Next time remind me to talk about Jenn and how much I'm falling in love with Dave!

I love you

I just got home from Resolved: A WSM Winter Experience, my church's youth group's winter retreat.  I learned so much but I really can't get into it right now, I need a shower (I smell) and food (I've already eaten but I'm still hungry).  But one major thing I want everyone to know is that I love you.  People say "Jesus Loves You"  but it's more effective and more encouraging to hear "I Love You".  I'm gonna probably post either tomorrow or tonight during the Oscars.  I'm kinda multi-tasking so I'll just go and try not to babble anymore.

Oh great!

Sitting in Frankenmuth hotel room waiting for my mom to call so I can go back to the restaurant to pick them back up.  So while I'm here I'll type random things.

I want to paint my nails white.. I don't know why.. maybe to be the opposite of emo.. you know they paint their nails black so I'll paint mine white.

I miss dave a lot!  I hate missing people like this but I miss him so dang much.  And when I get home on wednesday I won't even be able to hang with him!  I just wanna chillax on the couch with him!  But Thursday the whole day I'm going to be hopefully be able to be with him!

My mom came back on her own I think.. they're loud.. better go.

Night

Valentines Day as a Teen

So Dave is not quite home yet so I'm suck here doing chores waiting for tonight to start.  I actually just woke up though so I shouldn't be complaining.  But eventually I'm going to have to go clean the bathroom and empty trashes-well that's life, a magazine, ten cents...-I won't get into that.  But I hope Dave's audition went well.. as much as I don't really want him going to school so far away.  It's kinda like me wanting to go to California for school though-if I get the money to go, I'm gonna go.  So I'll support him either way.

It's so early in the day I really have nothing to say.  I think I'm gonna make some waffles-waffles are amazing!  And then shower, empty trashes, look pretty for Candlelight Valentines Formal at McDonalds-yea, Valentines dinner at Micky D's, we're awesome like that!  But then hanging out for the evening.  Oh shoot I need to pack also for going away Tomorrow with my mommy-so I won't be blogging for a few days-that ruins my goal to get this to be a habit-I just need to remember not to forget!

Well, I should probably get on with the day as much as I just want to sit around forever in my pj's-I love being a teenager!

Cocktails with the Parents

So I've been meaning to start a blog for a while now but I've always been too lazy to actually get online and start it.  I need to work on my major procrastination problems.  It's also because I just read this book Heart on my Sleeve or something like that by Ellen Wittlinger (spelling?) and it was written through emails and instant messages so it reminded me of how I wanted to start a blog for a while.  I just want some of my friends to keep track of me, making sure that I don't wander off in my life.  So let's get to my life.. Sometimes I can have funny stories.

Friday is cocktail night in my house and I'm bored because Dave is in Ohio for his audition at Wooster.  At least he'll be back tomorrow for Valentines Day.  In TV productions we had to do an opening Announcement piece and I'm so excited about my groups.  We took a part of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and made a techno remix!  It's so amazing!  I can't wait to do the announcements when we get back from break.

I'm so glad I'm starting to feel better.  I've been sick for the past week (thanks Dave).  But my voice is bad but I feel so much better!  I'm so excited because I have a busy week.  I leave Sunday for a few days to go to Frankenmuth with my dad's side of the family and my mom and her sister and then next Friday I leave for Resolved (my church's youth group retreat).  It's going to be busy and I'm gonna miss Dave but hey, it's gonna be so much fun!

It's almost time to eat so I should go and actually be social with my family instead of just sitting here typing in my newly formed blog.  Haha, I'm so antisocial.