Very interesting Day

I have depression so I see a therapist approximately every three weeks and today I had an appointment. I have discovered why I developed depression in the past few sessions. It's because I have a big heart and I care about people, it's a really good thing to have but I care too much to a point where I put them before myself. You should care about others but I didn't take care of myself anymore, I just forgot about my problems and let my mental health decline very fast because I took on others problems instead. It's a cycle that I see happening in my life over and over again, especially since I was diagnosed with having depression. It's a cycle that I'm trying to break. So I need to make a promise to myself... it's that I will not date anyone until both me and that guy have a solid mental and emotional health. I know both Dave and Matt are in a little bit of an unstable mental situation and I know I can't take care of them as much as I have. They mean everything to me but I cannot take on all their emotional and mental problems because I already have enough on my plate. So my choice is to be single until that happens. If they are in a better place and I am also and the timing is just right then I will consider that relationship. But for now, I am going to take time to take care of myself and be single.
Both Dave and Matt are very special to me but I need time to get myself in a secure place and to learn exactly what I want in life right now.
Dave- you mean so much to me and I'm sorry I have to do this because I know it will break you but I do want you to know I care about you. We have talked about this and I know you agree and will respect it but you won't be happy about it. We will always be the best of friends because we know each other so well. Just hang in there and you know what you need to do.
Matt- We've talked about this and you know all that I would say. Care about you a lot and Pickles!
Josh- You need to learn how to be single and love yourself. If you don't know how to be that you will always cling and suck onto a girl and will push her away.
Mike- You're awesome. 143! But you know the obvious reason we can't work right now and you are the one who I can trust with everything. I can tell you everything and I know we will always be able to trust each other. You are always going to be my best friend, now and forever.
I saw two ex-boyfriends today and that showed me a lot. I still have a good relationship with both of them and it was just a good time to reflect.
Life is complicated but it's because you make it complicated, if you don't want life to be complicated you can prevent it to an extent. I do my best to keep it uncomplicated but sometimes it doesn't work and right now I've been making it a lot more stressful than it should be. More about this later on, for now I need to clear my head.